I was stunned, absolutely stunned to discover the little bag of feathers. Bloody Parrot is still flitting around among the living. The little creep is like a bad rash, he just keeps coming back. It turns out he has been camped out in one of the cottonwood trees at the site of the future Newcastle Firehouse right next to Monroe Transmission. To make matters worse he has been aided and abetted by the folks over at Carol’s Market. Tracy, the owner of the store has allowed him to hang around out back so long as he doesn’t panhandle out front. And Tony, who I thought was my friend was hiding cheese puffs in his hat and smuggling them out to that poor excuse for a bird. No one would have been the wiser if Tony’s forehead had not started to turn orange. Marge put two and two together, kicked a fit and ran the bird off. Poor Heather who might have a thing for the bird tried to intercede. The result was Heather and Marge got in a brawl throwing tri-tip sandwiches at each other. It got real ugly. That damned bird creates problems everywhere he goes. It might be a good time to mention, Carol’s also has a very nice deli. A lot of working stiffs get their breakfast there before wandering off to work.
What really ticks me off is the Portuguese Pirate has known all along where Bloody Parrot has been. I think he still plans on bumping me off as second banana on the Newcastle Television Show airing every Saturday morning at 10 a.m. on AM 950 KAHI and putting the parrot in my perch, I mean chair. What the Portuguese pinhead doesn’t know is that little fink bird has been trying to stall the construction of the firehouse. I think he planned on retiring in that cottonwood. Bloody Parrot has been writing letters to Governor Brown claiming that the removal of the trees would greatly increase the acceleration of global warming on the planet. Governor Brown woke from his nap long enough to reply with a letter thanking him for his suggestion but stating he was preoccupied trying to complete a bullet train that would go like a bat out of hell from north Modesto to south Modesto. The governor did agree however that the firehouse construction site might be a good place to begin the Delta Tunnel. Wait. … What?
As Gabe Mendez of Gabe Mendez Inc. was lining up his caterpillar to start excavation and push over the cottonwoods, Bloody Parrot in protest, chained himself to the tree. Unfortunately he didn’t know that when Gabe was just a toddler pushing Tonka trucks around the sandbox in the front yard of his home a blackbird swept down, snatched Gabe’s pinky right out of his mouth and flew off. The event so traumatized poor little Gabe he has had a hatred of birds ever since. Need I say more? Squaaak! Anyway, by the time you read this the firehouse site should be cleared of the trees and Bloody Parrot to boot, so now we can fill the hole. That will be quite a project all by itself.
I see Suzie Brown has had her first Newcastle column published on the Newcastle page of the Auburn Journal. She managed to get Long Valley and the Long Valley Schoolhouse in the article. This will come as a pleasant surprise to residents living in Long Valley because a lot of them never heard of Long Valley.
Now is the time for us to be promoting the upcoming Christmas event Newcastle has every year. Set your calendars and join us for Newcastle’s Holiday Knights on December 7 at Marshall Square. We will be featuring the Newcastle Knights School band and choir, tree lighting, crafts, fireside s’mores, local food and gift vendors, family fun and of course a visit from Santa Claus. People wanting to be vendors should contact TLAUER.NCA@gmail.com. If you wish to donate holiday decor you can drop it off at Walter’s Personal Training in Newcastle. Her hours are Monday through Thursday 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday from 8 a.m. to 11 a.m.
I don’t know where the Pirate is. The last I heard he was putting Bloody Parrot on the AMTRAK train heading towards Reno, probably to keep me from getting my hands on him. See you on the radio Saturday at 10 a.m. on AM 950 KAHI radio when we will be paid a visit by the always entertaining Keith Nesbitt, executive director of the Auburn Chamber of Commerce.