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Leftists Protest Men Being Men [Satire]

Leftists Protest Men Being Men [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Leftists are upset that the Trump administration is planning to clarify Title IX, the law forbidding gender discrimination in federally funded universities. The administration wants to limit the definition of gender to male and female, and would define males as the people who have penises and work the TV remote and women as the people who suddenly have babies after you were just innocently hanging out having sex with them. Before this, Democrats used Title IX to define men as rapists and women as the people who vote for Democrats even though it makes no earthly sense.

Leftist Legal Professor Perfidious Von Melonhead says the new change is unfair. In a major address to a lecture hall filled with dust motes and melancholy, the professor said, “If the Trump administration is allowed to define men as men and women as women, language will have lost its meaning by which, of course, I mean it will lose the random meaning leftists assign to it in the interest of winning political power. Why, before you know it, Constitutional will mean ‘according to the Constitution,’ as opposed to ‘forcing people we disagree with to do what we want.’ Giving words their proper meaning is the first step on the road to Nazism, by which of course I mean Liberty as opposed to ‘an oppressive, virulently anti-semitic philosophy,’ by which of course I mean leftism.”

Transgender Mixed Martial Artist Brunella Thuggish, formerly the male fighter Bruno Thug and currently the winner of the women’s fighting championship seventeen times in a row, told reporters, “This is a major blow to school athletics by which of course I mean my ability to beat the living daylights out of women with half my muscle mass.”

Presidential Spokeswoman Sarah Sanders denied the administration was trying to force words to mean what they actually mean. She told reporters, [quote] “We’re just saying that men are men and women are women, by which of course we mean ‘Shut the hell up and stop talking insane crap.'”

Full story is available here.

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